13th November 2009

Boring cars really caught everybody’s attention

posted in Car News Articles |

Other yawn inducing models included the Volkswagen Bora, if only for the name. Maserati also built a Bora, though it’s probably far to say it was less of a borer than the VeeDub.

However, neither quite made it because my self-imposed rule was that they couldn’t be simply cars with silly names. Otherwise I would have included the Mitsubishi Carisma, which had none, or the Skoda Favorit, which was nobody’s. Or the car Bond called Bug, which was riddled with them.

Nor could they be famously horrible cars, simply because famously horrible cars stand out forever. In that sense they are beacons in a sea of bland.

No, no, no. I was detailing cars with nothing to praise or condemn. Indeed with nothing.

Readers suggestions that complied included – and I quote – ‘anything from the Holwoo range’. That would be the Viva, Epica, Barina and other unwanted Daewoos now wearing the Holden badge like a ill-fitting borrowed suit.

The Ford Taurus. Yes, the … it doesn’t bear repeating. Why did Ford Australia ever consider importing an American car that looked like it had melted during transit? If you’ve seen one lately you notice how they visibly sag with age and look like a prop in a cheap cop show – namely the worth-nothing heap-of that you just know is going to be bashed to smithereens during the chase.

But I digress. Readers also nominated a range of Toyotas spanning from A (Avalon) to Z-Z-Z-Z (such as the 1980s Snoarer, sorry Soarer).

The final Mitsubishi Magna got a guernsey. Same for anything with a Hyundai Excel badge, though I dispute this. The ones that famously fell apart in the late 1990s put an excitement into motoring that Hyundai has been otherwise unable to replicate.

The Renault 19 was in my original list but was cut for space reasons. Which is apt, because space was one of many things this dumpy Renault hatch lacked. Curiously, it was sold in Australia by Volvo, perhaps because it was packed with Swedish flair.

The Suzuki Liana. The Datsun Stanza. The Toyota Paseo. The Corolla, all twentysomething million of them. Most of the similarly massive total of Escorts.

The BMW 316i. It was German for dull. The Kia Carnival was, equally, Korean for trouble. That mere fact, however, may have elevated it beyond tedium. The one with the Rover-designed engine, for example, added a thrilling Alfasud-esque edge to every journey. ‘Will we make it or won’t we?’

Ford Telstar, Laser and Meteor. Yes, there were some interesting Lasers, to be fair (the turbo four-wheel drivers come to mind) but there was also a lot of plain white rice surrounding the spice.

The Audi Fox. Ug! Your chickens are safe. Add almost any number of other badge-engineered cars. What planet were they on when they thought sticking Holden Apollo badges on a Camry would fool them? Or that a Commodore with a Lexcen nameplate would be anything other than a disaster?

Same for the completely snoreful Nissan Pintara and its Ford Corsair cousin, which was the same only even more unpopular.

The Holden Zafira was mentioned in despatches. As a long-time Zafira owner (although I’ve just traded that family bus in on … a different family bus) – I always defended it as doing exactly what was needed, frugally and without fuss. You could say that about a toaster, I hear you mumble.

Fair point. Yes, dull as. But you can’t always own a sports car. Life, after all, is a series of small compromises. Separated by large ones.

Tony Davis

Are cars getting more interesting, or are manufacturers just finding new ways to make cars boring? And haven’t some concept cars of late lacked a little something?

If cars aren’t getting any better, whose fault is it? Are the car companies guilty for making them, or is it us for buying them?

Read more

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